Police have arrested a six-year-old Holstein named Daffodil and her lover, a duck identified as Marqueef Schwartzbaum, in connection with the hoofed robbery of two Miami Lakes Farm Stores late Tuesday. The pair escaped from their Hialeah Gardens pasture through a fence Tuesday morning and, along with several underage calves, proceeded to the Farm Stores to stock up on food and cash for what they thought would be a new life away from their farm.
The Plantain spoke to Farm Stores clerk Esme Santos who nonchalantly told us that at around 11:00 AM, Mr. Scwartzbaum waddled into the store asking for three loose Swishers. As Ms. Santos turned around to retrieve the flavored cigars, the duck signaled for Daffodil to run in and pin down the clerk as he adorably stuffed bills into his bill. When asked if she was frightened, the young clerk said that she wasn’t, noting that she gets robbed all the time and that Mr. Scwartzbaum was actually pretty sweet all things considered.
The duo intended to meet Daffodil’s cousin Tara who was to transport them to Florida’s west coast in her Winnebago, but because they were only able to take $236 and a few Arizona Iced Teas from the Farm Stores, the pair decided to cross the street to a different Farm Stores and rob that store as well.
By the time Mr. Schwartzbaum and Daffodil made their way to the second store, police had responded to the first store’s call and a standoff ensued. After several hours, a SWAT team entered the store, killing Mr. Schwartzbaum on the scene. Daffodil briefly escaped the store and led police on a short chase. Once captured and restrained, she could be heard crying “you didn’t have to kill him! I loved him. I loved him,”
“We’re are glad this incident is over and that nobody got hurt,” said Officer Manny Deltino. When we pointed out that Mr. Schwartzbaum lost his life in the incident, the Office agreed, but pointed out that “it was just a duck.”