The Small Business Development Center at FIU Business is providing assistance to local small businesses. As of April 6, the center has helped local businesses obtain nearly $3.5 million in Florida Small Business Emergency Bridge Loans, which provide up to $50,000 loans to small businesses impacted by COVID-19.

Aha! See, you thought we were going to mention the bridge collapse, right? Well, we are more mature than that and the entire above linked paragraph is true. I stole it verbatim from FIU’s website. I guess we aren’t just “reckless punks who have no respect for anyone” like Donna Shalala’s staff keeps telling everybody.

This is a scary time and FIU is a great institution that does a lot of good for our community. Like did you know that FIU employs more people in Miami than Pollo Tropical? Or that during this entire pandemic not a single FIU professor was caught looking at college co-ed pornography during a Zoom lecture?

The point is FIU is great. So what if they had one negligently built bridge collapse and kill a bunch of people? I’m not going to bring that up because it is not the right time to remind everyone that the bridge had multiple design errors and the collapse could have been avoided according to reporting by the Miami Herald because it’s old news. In fact, if we were to bring it up we would probably be criticized because it probably wasn’t even FIU’s fault even though they oversaw the project thus negating the need for a federal inspector to be on site. So we’re not mentioning it.

The Plantain loves FIU so much. That’s why when we received an email from them this week asking us to leave money to the School if we die of Coronavirus we called our lawyers and updated our wills to bequeath funds to FIU that we asked to be earmarked to help its students purchase UM hats and jerseys.

Stay safe South Florida. Go Panthers.