After receiving criticism over his decision to host next year’s G7 meeting at his Trump National Golf Course in Doral, President Trump has moved the international summit to the party room in the back of Doral’s Las Vegas Cuban Cuisine.
“Doral is one of the nicer cities within a 5-mile radius of Miami International Airport,” said the President who is sticking to his position that Doral is the best place to hold a meeting of world leaders. “Doral is perfect for an international meeting like this. It is completely landlocked and at least 40 minutes from anything more interesting, so we will have plenty of time to focus on diplomacy, plus it is still close enough to my golf club that I can still peddle influence to the highest bidder.”
The Plantain reached out to Las Vegas Cuban Cuisine’s management who was unaware of the President’s decision. “Oh, we are definitely not prepared for this type of attention.”
After hyperventilating for a few moments, Las Vegas’s manager said that he believed he could handle the international spotlight. When asked how he planned to accommodate the expectations of a global menu, the restaurant’s owner said he plans to approache this event as he does all of the quinceaneras he hosts: “With lots of pastelitos and croquettes! If the world leaders don’t like that then they are probably communists anyway.”
When told that representatives from Communist China and Russia would unofficially be in attendance even though they are not part of the G7, the restaurant’s manager thought briefly about whether to serve Communists. “Well if they aren’t part of the G7 then why would they be there?”
After explaining to him that Russia and China now apparently control all of the United States’s corporate and governmental interests, the manager thought briefly about the financial ramifications of refusing to serve Communists and decided it was okay to accommodate.
“Communists like pork, right? I’ll just make sure we serve plenty of pork.”