Hialeah is abuzz after learning that the 2017 Cockfighting Championship will be hosted in local resident Jose Francisco’s backyard ring.
Mr. Francisco has one of the top-rated cockfighting facilities in Hialeah, mostly because the cops have not discovered it yet and because of its proximity to a Cuban Guys Restaurant.
“I knew when my ex-wife said I had to choose between her and the cockfighting I made the right decision,” said Mr. Francisco after learning that his yard had been chosen to host the annual blood sport. “Y ahora, que, Maritza?”, he said defiantly to himself.
Hialeah beat out Amsterdam and Bangkok to host the tournament. The committee decided that the City’s cockfighting history is what set it apart from the other cities. “When you think about two chickens pecking each other to death in a ring, there’s no city that represents that more than Hialeah,” said Raul “Pollo” Sanchez, The President of the International Cockfighting Committee.
The tournament is expected to bring a huge boost to Hialeah’s tourist economy. Hotels in the area are prepping for the cock watchers by stocking up on Modelo Beer and “Wife-Beater” shirts, roadside fruit vendors expect sales to triple, and artists have begun peppering the “Leah Art’s District,” with cockfighting themed murals. “We look forward to showing the world that the Leah Art’s District is indeed a thing,” said Hialeah councilwoman Annette Perez-Santiago from her car on her way to Wynwood for the night. “Seriously, it’s a thing.”
Since the announcement, Mr. Francisco has been making renovations to his backyard ring. “For seating, I’m hoping to replace my two broken lawn chairs and bring out the inflatable mattress I have in my room.”
In the event that both lawn chairs and Francisco’s used mattress sell out, spectators will still be able to watch the coverage on his little cousin’s Periscope account, which has previously broadcast other local sporting events including last year’s deadly Dominoes World Series and the failed Formula E1 race.
Local chicken “Pin Pam Pum” is heavily favored to win the Championship. “I’m so happy to compete in front of my hometown fans,” said the three-year-old Chicken. “B’kaw, b’kaw, I can’t wait to win that cock ring”, said the muscular rooster with a bird-wink before wandering off to peck at some grass.
By Kyle Rambo