“If Joe Carollo does it then it’s in the public interest and he can’t be removed from office,” said City of Miami Commissioner Joe Carollo from behind the bushes of the Ball & Chain night club in Little Havana. The argument makes up the Commissioner’s prime defense against a challenge mounted by “socialists” and “uh, did I say socialists?” to remove him from office for being insane and terrible and obstructionist.”

In a brief interview with the Plantain, Commissioner Carollo said that he isn’t worried about being removed from office: “I’m going to beat the shit out of those socialists and their agenda to remove me!” he said. We asked if his threat of violence should be taken literally or was just the type of rantings typical of elderly men upset that their grip on the world and reality is lessening with each passing day.

After a moment of deep self-reflection, Carollo admitted that he would beat the charges politically, and not with violence. “I only beat women,” he said before asking if I was a socialist and threatening to sick code enforcement on me if I didn’t take this article down.

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