A proposal in the State House to regulate the size and length of “man buns” is gaining bi-partisan support and is expected to pass next week. The law, sponsored by Rep. Jose Javier Rodriguez (D-Bald), requires men to have at least 11 inches of hair before they are permitted to wear a man bun in public, a regulation aimed at stopping a recent trend among young, short-hair men of tying up the most minuscule little tuft of hair into a “bun.”

“This regulation is necessary for the health and safety of our community,” said Rep. Rodriguez who noted that miniature man buns have contributed to several accidents of motorists who, after catching a glimpse of someone walking down the street with that stupid thing on their head, crash their car into a tree, either from distraction or just not wanting to live in this world anymore.” 

Oh I think this is a fantastic rule,” said literally every woman in the State in unison. “It’s the stupidest looking thing I have ever seen,” said all of em, again, at once.

But not everyone is happy with the new regulation. “Aw man!” said 24-year-old David Jefferson as he pulled off the rubber band holding about two inches of hair together in a paintbrush like cluster on the back of his head. “I genuinely thought I looked cool,” said the man despondently as his girlfriend unsuccessfully tried to hide a growing smile. 

“Can I still wear a tank top all the time no matter what the weather or formality of the occasion?” he asked.

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