After considerable deliberation, Miami based entertainer, DJ Delicioso, announced he will continue his Tuesday night performances despite universal indifference toward his music career from his friends and family. He will continue to perform every Tuesday at the Doral Applebees.

“We at Applebees believe the musical talents of DJ Delicioso go great with our half-off savory shrimp and parmesan sirloin steak,” said Applebees’s Assistant Manager and Thursday night DJ, Ian Gonzalez. “I can’t think of a better way to spend a Tuesday night,” said the unimaginative middle manager.

DJ Delicioso, also known as Ronald Goldman (no, not the one that was murdered by O.J.–allegedly), once held aspirations of becoming a doctor but chose a career in the arts over medicine, but not before incurring $135,000 in student loans. “I believe my music can save lives in a way much more impactful than literally saving lives,” said DJ Delicioso as he ate the mozzarella sticks he agreed to accept as payment.

Despite having performed at the Applebees every Tuesday for the last four years, DJ Delicioso’s friends and family have never come to watch a performance. “It’s not that we don’t support him,” said his parents, Ellen and Roger, who literally support him. “We just hate Applebees and think he should go back to school.”

After hearing his parent’s criticism, DJ Delicioso informed his parents that he was going back to school, a revelation that absolutely delighted them until they found out that he signed up for a two-week online DJ certificate that would indebt him with another 65K in loans. “That’s not what we meant!” cried his mother as she left the room.

“They’ll come around,” DJ Delicioso told The Plantain. “One day I’ll make them proud,” he said earnestly. He hopes the Applebees gig will be a stepping stone to larger gigs, including his ultimate goal of playing the Chili’s in Bayside during Miami Music Week.

By Kyle Rambo

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