Florida’s Senatorial race was rocked early this morning when a previously unreleased tape of Senator Marco Rubio saying that women let him “coger la papaya” because he is a United States Senator was leaked. The recording is from an unaired segment of a 2012 episode of Deco Drive in which the then 41-year-old junior senator was giving a tour of his West Miami neighborhood. During the clip, Senator Rubio can be seen walking into a neighbor’s yard to pick a papaya from a tree. “My neighbor Celia has the juiciest papaya,” laughed the Senator as he pulled down yellowing fruit. When asked by the show’s host Louis Aguirre whether his neighbor knew he snatched her fruit, Senator Rubio giggled and replied that women let him “coger la papaya” all the time since becoming a Senator.
The tape was released this morning by a liberal political action committee called “Floridians for Safe Neighborhoods” who plans on also releasing a television advertisement later this week that contrasts Rubio’s shocking statement with those of his neighbor, Celia Ferrer, as she tells the camera that she never gave Marco Rubio permission to take her fruit. “Marco Rubio is always running into my yard to grab my papaya or throwing his Frisbee onto my roof,” said Ms. Ferrer as she slipped her sandal from her foot and forcefully slapped it across her hand. “I’ll show him if he comes back to my yard!”
Marco Rubio’s campaign opponent Patrick Murphy released a statement calling Marco Rubio’s comments repugnant and noting that he only ever grabs papayas, mangos, and coconuts from his neighbor’s yards after receiving affirmative consent, and even then he feels very awkward about the whole thing. He said that the people of Florida should not send someone to Washington to represent them who does not respect people’s boundaries.
When reached for comment, Senator Rubio dismissed his comment as merely grocery store talk before noting that Patrick Murphy’s mother once stole a slice of cherry pie from a diner in 1988, an act that the Senator described as “much worse.”
Senator Rubio, who is currently leading by 7 points against Murphy, said he regrets that his comments have become a distraction and that he looks forward to getting back to the real issues of his campaign including how to protect Americans from the threat of ISIS and whether he will ever grow a pair of huevos and rescind his support of Donald Trump before his continuing endorsement of the unhinged racist and sexist candidate forever tarnishes his once-promising political career.