After months of pretending the pandemic was no biggie, Mayor Carlos Gimenez reacted to new records in the number of Florida coronavirus patients by ordering restaurants to close again. The Plantain spoke to Mayor Gimenez about the decision which has been praised by locals eager to not die until they saw him on TV blaming black people and the ghost of Fidel Castro on the increase in Covid cases.

“We were doing absolutely fine in Miami with Coronavirus,” said the Mayor without anything in the world to back that up. “But then the protests happened and now we’re seeing record numbers.”

We asked Mayor Gimenez whether he had seen any evidence connecting the increase in infections to the protest movement and not his decision to open up barbers and restaurants early. “Sure, plenty of evidence,” he said before pivoting to an old standard. “Also, Cuba had something to do with it too probably.”