The Miami Heat are in the NBA Finals, which means fans across Miami and pretenders as far north as Boca are cheering them on as they take on Lebron James and the LA Lakers for the championship. If you’ve been a fan of the Miami Heat, you should know that it is a tradition for South Floridians to celebrate a Heat win by clanking together pots and pans while wearing a Chris Bosh jersey they got in 2013 that used to fit. “Only in Dade!” yelled one pot holding Heat fan who was too high and accidentally banged his Abuela’s ceramic vase in celebration until it shattered.
In an attempt to embrace this loud and obnoxious celebratory tradition, the Miami Heat announced that they will be releasing an official, limited-edition line of Heat-branded pots and pans so die-hard fans can celebrate in style.
The Plantain spoke to new Heat hero, 20-year-old Tyler Herro, and asked him what he thought about the Heat’s new product line and whether he is excited about being embraced by Miami’s fans. “Yeah, it’s cool” before snarling his upper lip. We asked the devilishly handsome boy how it felt leading the Heat to a finals showdown against former Heat legend Lebron James, to which the sexy, young, so-white-he-could-sell-shoes-at-a-Klan-rally player said “Um, do you want to talk to Jimmy or Bam? They’re really the two responsible for our playoff run.” Looks, talent, and humility!
We declined his offer because we had to get downtown for an interview with Duncan Robinson, and it isn’t because Jimmy and Bam are Black so don’t even think that’s the case we’re just really impressed that Tyler Herro had one really good game and therefore we’re going to put him on all of our Plantain/Heat branded merchandise and in the foreground of pictures in front of the perennial All-Star who willed this underdog team to a Finals appearance in the first place.
The Plantain reached out to former Heat champion Lebron James about his thoughts on the new line of pots and pans and whether he misses Miami’s unique cultural celebration. “Yeah, Miami was a great place to play and if they beat us in the Finals this year I might have to take my talents back to South Beach and play with Tyler Herro, Duncan Robinson, Goran Dragic, and the rest of the guys on that roster.”
The Heat-branded line of pots and pans are available on the official Miami Heat website as well as the Heat Stores located within the Dolphin Mall. The pots and pans are made in China which a representative of the Miami Heat’s Beijing office, Xian Lu, who is overseeing the manufacturing of the product line, told me was going “A-okay yankee-applesauce” before noting preemptively that China is a very good country with no human rights violations and how much he loves Tyler Herro.