WE GETTIN’ PAID!!!!!! We’ve been hearing a lot of hate about Miami being unaffordable lately. With some fake news about it being the second most unaffordable place in the US and is even more expensive than Los Angeles where the cast of the new How I Met Your Mother reboot lives. But that anti-Miami propaganda isn’t taking into consideration OUR BIG DICK ENERGY NEW MINIMUM WAGE!!!!!!!!

Thanks to some Communist Socialist legislation or whatever, Florida’s minimum wage is increasing this week to TEN MOTHER FUCKING DOLLARS PER HOUR! That means you can literally just get a job, show up, and an hour later you’ve earned $10 if you don’t think about taxes cause who the fuck does, right?

With the average rent in Miami only $1,915 a month that means all you need to do to afford to live in the place that you live is work a measly 235 hours a month. That’s less than 60 hours a week (not including those PAID FOR 10-min breaks HOLLAAAAA!) which is basically nothing. I mean, my dad worked 60 hours a week growing up and he never complained or even talked to me. In other words, it’s easily done!

Plus, since there are literally 730 hours each month that means even after covering rent you’ll have 495 hours a month to fucking party at LIV, ride those little scooter things they sell at Bayside, wonder why your dad didn’t call you for your birthday, and figure out how after working for 235 hours you’re also supposed to find money for food.

SPONSORED BY MIAMI COIN*! Earn 430% APY!

*We’re not really sponsored by Miami Coin. But we would be if they reached out. We really need the money.