“Miami is a cultural and intellectual desert”, so says 23-year old lifestyle reporter Melissa Hitchens in this month’s issue of Brooklyn’s Pedantic Magazine.

“Despite every effort to engage locals in a thought provoking conversation about art or literature, I simply could not find any takers,” reported the Dubuque, Iowa native who moved to Brooklyn last year after graduating with a degree in sociology from Ohio’s Kenyon College. “Indeed, after unsuccessfully searching high and low for an authentic human interaction, I am convinced that none can exist in Miami,” the reporter concluded after spending two days in South Beach sipping expensed mojitos under a cabana at the Fontainebleau and spending her nights dancing at LIV and Story.

When questioned by Plantain reporters whether a two day trip to South Beach could form the basis of such a scathing review of an entire community, Ms. Hitchens defended her reporting: “I take my role as a journalist seriously, and though I was only in Miami for a short time, I went out of my way to live like a local. I went to Lincoln Road, I ate at Pizza Rustica, I bought an “I’m in Miami, Bitch” tank top, and I got bottle-service at Story. I live in Brooklyn, so I know culture, and Miami just doesn’t have any.”

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