“I think Esteban Bovo would be a great mayor for Miami,” said Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro shortly after funneling money to his mayoral campaign through a consulting run by former representative David Rivera.

“Oh, Jesus, he said what?” asked Mr. Bovo upon learning of the Venezuelan dictator’s support. “Well, I have always been staunchly anti-Communist,” said Bovo of the President’s support. When asked why he would accept money from a dictator responsible for thousands of deaths and untold misery, Commissioner Bovo said: “Well, I’m also staunchly capitalist,” before pivoting his messaging and promising to give back the money and claiming this entire story was manufactured and probably just a plot by the Castro regime.

The Plantain asked Commissioner Bovo why his instinct, wherever he is criticized, is to blame it on Castro. “Castro’s dead, Commissioner Bovo,” I told him. “I know he’s dead! Thank god he’s dead!” said Bovo before admitting that “being a Cuban politician in Miami was a little easier when you could blame everything on Castro.

“It used to be that if I didn’t want to do something for my constituents because it was not in my personal financial or political interest I could just say that is something they would do in Communist Cuba,” said Bovo. “I still do that, but it’s less effective now that El Jefe Maximo is dead,” added Bovo who just last week refused to vote for emergency funds for County contractors because that sort of thing is what Castro would do.

The Plantain reached out to other frequent Castro invokers, including City Commissioner Joe Carollo, who beat up his wife in front of his daughter, and Marco Rubio, who is legally a snail. Both men the wife-beater and snail admitted that life just hasn’t been the same since Castro died. “Castro really let me deflect my own failures,” said Joe Carollo, who beat up his wife in front of his daughter.