Drivers rejoice! The Florida legislature has suspended tolls on the 826 leaving drivers with a few extra bucks in their pockets while they sit in traffic questioning why they decided to move to Doral in the first place.

“There are so many places in the world to live, why would I choose here? said 40-year-old Arturo Diaz who spends an hour each morning on the 826 driving behind an overheated car driven by a street rooster to his Wynwood office. “Fuck it, bro — 305 til I die,” said Mr. Diaz who has a 786 area code.

The Plantain asked freshman University of Miami psychology student Vanessa Broder why people like Mr. Diaz are willing to move to areas that require they spend so much of their lives in Miami traffic to the detriment of their overall mental health. “Um, it’s like a lot of factors probably — maybe their parents live close by or maybe it’s more affordable or maybe they just made a bad decision and don’t want to admit it so they yell out “305 til I die, bro” as a way of drowning out the persistent thought that they could probably have a better standard of living if they moved.”

I thanked Ms. Broder for her impressive level of insight, which was frankly at odds with the party-goer mentality of most University of Miami freshmen. The 19-year-old thanked me for the compliment but said that UM’s reputation as a party school was overstated and that she takes her studies very seriously and also if I knew where she could score some coke because her connect was stuck in traffic coming from Doral.