As the nation mourns the victims of the Orlando shooting, the National Rifle Association has agreed to pray really, really hard for the victims and their families. The concession from the pro-gun lobby was made in reaction to renewed calls to enact regulations that would have prevented Omar Mateen, the suspected shooter with a history of domestic violence and mental illness, from lawfully obtaining the gun he used to slaughter 50 victims on Sunday morning.
Sensing a changing political tide, the NRA has vowed to respond more seriously to mass shootings than it has done in the past, promising in a press release to “really pray our asses off this time” and to even “light a candle or two for those faggots and their families.”
“It’s the least we could do,” said NRA spokesperson Bradford Penniston. “Literally.”
The NRA has also agreed to allocate $2,500 from its budget to send bouquets of flowers to the families of the 50 slain victims, as well as $4,000,000 to spend on lobbyists and political donations to make sure every proposed common-sense gun regulation is blocked.
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