MIT Physicists uncovered a mathematical anomaly in researching how Maria Gonzalez, a Miami-Dade woman, was able to fit into those jeans. The University has sent a group of physicists to South Beach to research.

Maria reacted positively when finding out that her jeans had become the focal point of the scientific community, especially after her so-called friend Yasmina told her they didn’t work with her top.

The researching physicists initially planned to focus on how Maria got into her jeans, but after spending less than fifteen minutes in Miami, realized that the anomaly was widespread among Miami’s jean wearing population. “I even noticed it happening to jeans worn by men,” said Dr. James Whitlock.

At first, all the subjects were very excited to be involved in the research process with the physicists. Then they heard it involved math and immediately bailed. “I don’t like to surround myself with men who do the math that doesn’t involve a dollar sign,” said Valerie Rodriguez, who also said she was more than just a $300 pair of jeans.

With the subjects hesitant to work with the physicists, the Miami science community stepped up to help solve the equation. A group of FIU undergraduate students decided to conduct personal research during their free time. Surprisingly, most of the male fraternity had never even taken a physics class.

The physics society ultimately decided to assign the jeans project to Ronald Pistachio, who has been called the Albert Einstein of his generation.

“I believe Albert Einstein would be proud I am dedicating my entire physics career to denim,” said Dr. Pistachio, who like most physicists actually wears a lot of corduroys.

There is hope the mystery will be solved by Ronald, as he has previously conducted similar research in Miami. Just last summer, in fact, he solved the mystery of why a Miami man’s sweatpants could be so loose when the man insisted he wasn’t skipping leg day. Ronald later discovered “leg day” is a purely theoretical subject in Miami.

By Kyle Rambo

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