Presumptive GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump announced yesterday that he has purchased the Pollo Tropical chain of restaurants from Kendall-based Fiesta Restaurant Group. The chain, which was founded in Miami 29 years ago, will be rebranded as Pollo Trumpical.
The move is thought to be an effort to gain influence in South Florida, where Trump is currently polling very poorly. A source inside Trump’s organization told The Plantain that Trump hopes to win voters’ hearts “one pollo at a time.”
“Donald has a proven track record in the food and beverage industry,” said Trump spokesperson Katrina Pierson. “He has sold steaks, chocolates, and vodka worldwide. Selling burritos in Miami will be no different.”
When told by a Plantain reporter that burritos are Mexican and not offered by the Caribbean-style restaurant, Pierson accused the reporter of practicing “gotcha journalism” and abruptly ended the interview.
Gerardo Vega, a City of Miami employee who has taken a two-hour lunch break at Pollo Tropical everyday for the last 30 years was perplexed by the news. “No me jodas!” he exclaimed, spitting out his yuca fries. “I’m switching to La Granja.”
Pollo Trumpical’s new slogan, ‘Make Pollo Great Again!,’ will also serve as the title of Trump’s next book about the venture. A board game, figurine set, and line of ‘I Love Pollo Trumpical’ baseball caps is also in the works.
Several popular menu items, meanwhile, will be renamed to reflect the new owner. The classic Tropichop will become the Trumpichop; Tostones will double in size and be rebranded as ‘Trump’s Big Tostones.’ Plantains will be dubbed ‘Trumpical Delights.’ Tres Leches will be removed from the menu altogether, according to The Plantain’s source, since no one within Trump’s organization can pronounce it.
Trump ended his announcement by proclaiming, “I love South Florida and South Florida loves me. It’s a match made in heaven. This is gonna be yuuuge!”