With news that members of Donald Trump’s campaign engaged in surreptitious meetings with Russian official Sergei Kislyak prior to taking office, the Trump administration has appointed Russian official Sergei Kislyak to serve as an independent prosecutor to investigate the connections between him and the Trump campaign.
“I think making him special prosecutor is brilliant,” said President Trump at a news conference introducing Kislyak. “First, he’s from Russian, so he is going to be so independent. I mean, he isn’t even from this country! Plus, he was in all of the secret meetings we had, so who better to tell the American people that we didn’t talk about whatever it is we weren’t supposed to talk about.”
When asked what he did speak with the Trump campaign about at those secret meetings, Kislyak remarked “just nice things, like American football, Toby Keith, and Top Chef.”
The long time Russian diplomat, who is thought by many to believe to be a spy for the Kremlin, said that he would make sure that his investigation would demonstrate that Trump did not help Russia with their interference in last November’s Presidential election. When asked whether he just admitted that Russia interfered with the election, Kislyak calmly replied “of course not,” and chastised the media for being fake and making up sources. “But you just said…” started a New York Times reporter before quickly being whisked outside of the room by an exasperated Sean Spicer.
While the political fallout for “Russiagate” continues, President Trump dismissed reports that the controversy would take down his administration, joking that “it’s not even a gate, it’s a wall, and its ain’t around Russia. It’s around Mexico, folks.”