After leaving his home this morning and seeing his shadow, meteorologist and total DILF Bryan Norcross is predicting an additional six weeks of hurricane season.

“Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, I fucking hate this place,” said 5-year-old Coconut Grove resident Sadie-Lynn Harper Madison Tores. “Do you know how bad it is on my nerves to have to constantly prepare to maybe die in a hurricane every year?” the kindergartner asked while on a smoke break. ” Now I gotta live through six more weeks of it? Man, fuck you Bryan Norcross.”

The Plantain reached out to Mr. Norcross for comment, to which the smoking hot 68-year-old told us that he doesn’t make the weather, he just calls it as he sees it.

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