*The Plantain has shockingly just discovered through investigative reporting that The Hialeah Tourism Board is comprised entirely of a group of street chickens.**By Daniel Jimenez*
Despite being a group of uneducated fowl, members of The Hialeah Tourism Board have apparently been re-elected several times into office. The Board meets regularly in the middle of the road at 811 West 49th Street to discuss municipal matters and peck randomly at the ground. This feathery flock is most famously responsible for the establishment of the annual Jose Marti Commemorative Walk. This year’s walk is scheduled to take place later this month.
In order to interview him, The Plantain attempted to catch up to the head of the board, a chicken who, for lack of a name, we began calling Sam Peckandclaw. Unfortunately, the interview time was wasted chasing him around and shooing him away from cars. The unavailability of board members has led critics to decry that not enough is being done to tackle tough clean-up issues and anti-lawn paving laws, hurting the city’s image. Marta Diaz, a resident of the city, told us, “They are scared of their own shadows. They are always afraid, running around like their heads have already been cut off.”
> No other group has done more to promote the image of Hialeah as a vacation destination.
But some local constituents have praised the Board’s record, saying that they may be the best in the history of the city. They claim that no other group has done more to promote the image of Hialeah as a vacation destination, chock full of sights and experiences that can only be obtained in their city.
“Look, at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter where you’re from or whether or not you’re a bird. What matters is that you get results,” said local hot dog cart proprietor, Matthew Santos. “Those chickens do great work for this city, and one of them is married to my niece. Great guy, we met when he was blocking traffic a few years ago.”
The Board’s popularity has many speculating that Sam Peckandclaw could have a promising political career, perhaps even setting his sights on mayor. But, for the time being, he and the rest of the Board continue their diligent work for the city—when they aren’t randomly wandering into people’s yards and stealing the pet food that has been left out.
Daniel Jimenez is a staff writer for The Plantain. He grew up in Hialeah, but now he chickened out.