Mystery still surrounds the lone Burdines employee who emerged last week from an isolated part of the now Macy’s Home section in Dadeland Mall. Maria Delgado, a former Dishware Specialist who surrendered herself at the Home counter after a suspected 13 years spent in hiding. Eyewitnesses say that during the after-work rush on December 19th, Ms.Delgado suddenly lunged from behind a display of mixers only long enough to grab a lingering customer and drag her into a supply closet. Her appearance was described as disheveled, she was wearing what appeared to be an old Burdines uniform, although it was both wet and torn in several places.Investigators from the MDPD say that Maria is potentially the final holdout in the violent dispute between Macy’s and Burdines. Until now Emilia Perez, who finally surrendered on White Thanksgiving hours before the 2004 Black Friday, was believed to be the last holdout. The famed Burdines holdouts as we know waged savage, sometimes inhumane, shadowy guerilla war, hiding among the less trafficked sections of the flagship Macy’s in Dadeland Mall, often employing false flag operations and highly orchestrated Oceans 11 type hijinks to thwart Macy’s 2004 buyout. Many efforts were made to smoke the Burdines employees out and after a particularly effective amnesty program in October 2004, it was believed that the last of the Burdines warriors had succumbed to the Macy’s juggernaut.
Macy’s hoped for a cleaner resolution this time, sending in a team of corporate attorneys as well as local police. After 14 failed attempts to communicate with Delgado, usually ending in bloodshed, Macy’s went for a change of pace. Macy’s reached out to Delgado’s manager Ramiro Costa to put an end to the matter.
Dressing in his old Burdines uniform Ramiro entered the Macy’s home store and approached Delgado’s make-shift breakfast room. Delgado recognized Costa and immediately exited her stronghold and embraced him. After hours of discussion and explanations, Costa ultimately ordered Delgado to clock out. Ending this decade-long struggle.
Speaking from an impromptu pulpit made from a turned over couch, Delgado described years of hardship including having to eat silk napkins, spending nights taking inventory and hiding it under couch cushions, and rearranging the furniture to throw “dinner parties”. She did note that while she was able to sleep in a bed every night, they were always of “the inferior quality one would expect from Macy’s.”
Yet Maria has no regrets from her time spent in isolation in Macy’s and was even defiant in closing “We fought a noble fight! I have no regrets for the blood I’ve shed. I have no fear of the future! QUE VIVA BURDINES!!!!!!”
Written by Michael de Armas

In a daring broad daylight heist, thieves stole hundreds of canvases and sculptures from the Romero Britto Art Store located in the Miami International Airport.Jacinta Fernandez, manager of the airport location informed the Plantain, “A frequent flyer inquired about a possible holiday discounts on a painting of a smiling flower he has had his eye on for two years. We informed him that we don’t do holiday discounts as that would interfere with our year-round perpetual sale. That’s when we noticed that the smiling flower painting was gone! Along with 57 other semi-original works and prints that all look the same.”
“This immediately raised our concern for our hermana stores in Lincoln Road and Wynwood.” Her calls to these stores quickly revealed that over half the inventory was missing. “We were so surprised! Over half the inventory on the gallery floor showroom has been missing since before Thanksgiving—and no one even noticed,” said Alvaro Caseres, assistant manager of the Miami Beach Lincoln Road Mall location. “It is hard to keep inventory when you can’t distinguish one piece from another.”
“Then we remembered the recent Walk of Fame star that Romero was just awarded in March–we feared it, too, might be stolen,” said Fernandez, referring to the concrete-encased Britto star located at the Bayside Walk of Fame which features sidewalk stars designed by Britto himself to honor accomplished and famed Miami personalities. But, after some searching, Britto’s star was found, safely located under a postcard rack.
Some art critics have speculated that the stolen works were removed to be sold on the black market during Art Basel. Myra Lebowitz, owner of the prestigious Miami-based, Lebowitz Gallery said that “People will pay for anything once they perceive it to have value. That’s what keeps me in business.” A source wishing to remain anonymous leaked to The Plantain, “His stuff is crap—I ought to know, I manage his Miami Beach store. Whomever took it was just trying to do the art world a favor.” Still, others have hinted that Britto himself removed the works to create a media stir to boost sales.
Miami-Dade Aviation Police Officers investigating the robbery reviewed the airports surveillance camera system, which revealed a sole, sweatshirt hoodie-wearing thief carting off Britto’s oeuvres d’art in several trips, stacking the “art pieces” by a terminal trashcan where they remained until the cleaning staff carted them off to the dumpsters. When confronted by investigators about his involvement, Airport janitor Hector Esquival added, “I don’t know jack shit about art, but I do know trash. And that stuff I threw out was trash.”
The mystery may never be solved according to Detective Ashley Ramirez, who said the investigation to find the art thieves will be ending soon. “It is difficult for our department to devote resources to this case as the items that are missing have zero value.
Romero Britto, 54, renowned Brazilian neo-pop artist who has resided in Miami since 1989, came to fame in the mid-1990’s with his colorful, child-like style that appealed to the masses and quickly became capitalized in the form of reprints, sculptures, key chains, ATM machines, fashion wear, fire hydrants, and a legion of tchotchkes. Stores began opening up in malls and airports in other cities in order to vie for a market share from their main competitor, Hello Kitty stores.
With an estimated net worth of nearly 70 million dollars, Britto is not just content to afflict the art world; a declared conservative, he has held fundraising events for Republicans, including election losers Mitt Romney and Jeb Bush.
Britto colorfully declined to be interviewed for this article, instead offering to sell us a Britto iPhone case for 30 bucks.
By Lisa W. Hopper, staff writer for The Plantain
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