It’s that time of year, when Miami’s #filmmakers emerge from their smoky dens to gift Miami with their…ahem…art.
In honor of Borscht, that amazing institution that birthed Moonlight and probably other things, the Plantain presents its Official Borscht Guide, which is really just a drinking game. So grab a shot and fucking drink it every time you hear the following:
Moonlight – Did we mention Moonlight was born at Borscht? No? Oh, well this one time a few years ago…
If anyone mentions “Moonlight” or The Oscars, take one sip. Three sips if you read coverage about Borsht in a press outlet and they mention Moonlight, and five sips if someone tells you they are personal friends with Tarell Alvin McCraney, Barry Jenkins, or Andrew Hevia and are thinking about collaborating.
Death – Any reference to death, Borscht dying, funerals, or Rebirth, (i.e. “Miami Must Born Again,” the forward thinking theme of this year’s Borscht), take two sips.
Diapers/Underwear- If a grown man (or woman) wearing a diaper or tighty-whiteys crosses your path chug your drink. If he or she is guzzling from a gallon jug of milk, chug two. You’ve now entered the Twilight Zone, and the only escape is further inebriation.
Alligators/The Everglades – Nothing says Miami like alligators, airboats, or the Everglades, and the Miami-born or Miami-imported artists putting out art this year are only too aware of that fact. If you see an alligator, a man in an alligator costume, an airboat, a speedboat, or a man hunting iguanas, take two sips.
Violence – At Borscht’s 2017 edition, Trina danced in an old bank vault and a melee broke out. If fisticuffs arise again (we put the odds at about 50/50), chug your drink (and run).
hashtag ART – Spot an unnecessary hashtag? One sip. We’d suggest more, but we don’t want to put you into the Hospital.
New World School of the Arts (NWSA) – Exactly Zero Tarell McCraney’s went to Krop or Coral Reef High, and exactly one Tarell McCraney went to the “Juilliard of the South” (per NWSA’s Marketing Materials). Take four sips if anyone mentions NWSA, the public magnet school responsible for birthing Billy Corben (Step-Monster, Cocaine Cowboys), Alex Lacaimore (Hamilton), and of course, “Moonlight/””David Makes Man” scribe-turned-Head-of-Yale-Dramatic Writing, writer Tarell McCraney.
Body Odor – Three sips. Overcome with the musk of an artist who is at least four days removed from a shower? Three sips for you, friend!
Incomprehensibility – If you find yourself shamefully scratching your head because you just can’t decipher what the banana pile on top of a Kirby doll or the painted green man in a cage means, then take two sips – intoxication is the secret ingredient to understanding Borscht’s art, which lives just out of sober intellectual grasp.
Good Luck. Don’t Die. But if you do die, don’t worry, you will be Reborn (Again).