Walter Mercado is dead.
Your Abuela swore he saw the future. But who was Walter Mercado and how can you succinctly explain him to your sorority sisters before they come over for Noche Buena?
Here are some quick answers you can give to Rebecca and Hillary so they don’t make a fool of themselves by confusing him with Rue from the Golden Girls when they see your Abuela watching VHSs of his show she has had since the 80s.
Who is Walter Mercado?
Walter Mercado was a TV astrologer who owned a lot of capes. He has been on TV since it was invented and could predict the future in a vague sort of way.
What is an Astrologer?
An astrologer is, generally speaking, a con-artist. Not to be confused with an “astronomer,” which is a scientist. Neil Degrasse Tyson is an astronomer, but that lady who your Tia Larissa gives $40 to once every month that told her to break up with her boyfriend is an astrologer.
So Walter Mercado was a con-artist?
You shut your mouth. Walter Mercado was a national treasure who has brought untold joy and entertainment to Cuban matriarchs for more than 50 years.
Oh okay, so your grandma likes him because he is Cuban?
No, Walter Mercado is a proud Puerto Rican. But every Spanish speaking country has basically claimed him as their own, so you’re sort of right.
Are you sure he isn’t one of the Golden Girls?
Pretty sure, but I wouldn’t want to bet money on it.
Con mucho, mucho amor.
What’s that mean? Why do you guys eat so much pork? Your cousin just gave me his number, but like isn’t that his girlfriend in the corner?
Just go with it, Hillary.
By Jasmine Perez-Santiago