Chinese developer Hank Greenbaum (汉克·格林鲍姆) announced plans to develop the world’s tallest building in Miami on U.S. 1 right next to the Taco Rico. The 195-floor building will replace the property’s current occupant, a vape shop.
“We searched all over the world for a place to build a building of this size and knew we had found the right spot when we saw this narrow area of land alongside already congested U.S. 1.,” said Mr. Greenbaum. “Nothing screams ‘this is the perfect location for a giant building’ like the lack of a setback,'” he said, adding that the already existing nearby Starbucks and taco stand sealed the deal. “I love tacos and building skyscrapers, what can I say?” said Mr. Greenbaum.
The Plantain asked the developer how his building would impact traffic along the already congested highway, to which he told us to “fuck off.” He had the same answer when asked about whether there would be public financing for the building.
Construction will begin on “Gimenez Tower” in the summer. When asked how they decided on the name, Mr. Greenbaum said it was to honor his friend Mayor Carlos Gimenez who promised to push this terrible idea through in exchange for hiring his son as a lobbyist and giving a campaign contribution to his Congressional bid. “We need more men like that in Washington,” said Mr. Greenbaum before leaving to catch his plane back to Hong Kong.