Wynwood favorite “Kush” has undergone some interesting changes recently, comrade. The “new American” restaurant known for local organic ingredients has been rebranded “Kushner”, a lounge for vacationing Russian spies. The new concept has replaced American staples with Russian lounge favorites such as caviar, beef stroganoff, and pickled herring. Cocktails at KUSHNER are based around Russian vodka. The Plantain recommends their Moscow mule.
The clientelle has changed significantly from KUSH’s old patrons of beer snobs and emaciated hipsters. Now, on a typical Thursday afternoon at KUSHNER, Russian nerds set up laptop computers to create dank memes and troll their U.S. political opponents. By evening, Russian spies from around the Caribbean flock to KUSHNER in their grey trench coats to smoke cigarettes alone in shadowy corners while exchanging dossiers and USB drives. The rest of the Russian patrons sit around wearing tracksuits while simultaneously looking like they have not performed any athletic activity in years.
Recent celebrity sightings at KUSHNER have included George Papadopoulos, Paul Manafort, Rick Gates, Mike Flynn Jr., Ivanka Trump, as well as dozens of Russian oligarchs. Several of Robert Mueller’s deputy prosecutors have been reportedly seen sitting in a car outside KUSHNER, watching.
by Josh Diamond